


Hands

by DigitalGhost



Series: steven's recovery? i know her [3]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, F/M, Implied Self-Harm, Implied self-injury, Mental Breakdown, Mental Illness, Self-Harm addiction, Self-Worth Issues, Short Story, Steven Gets A Hug, Steven Has Therapy, Steven Needs Help, Steven is not okay, Steven needs a hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:48:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23499268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DigitalGhost/pseuds/DigitalGhost
Summary: Hands are one of the most useful human limbs. They can do a variety of helpful things... but Steven's hands... can do terrible things...
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe, Steven/Angst
Series: steven's recovery? i know her [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1688092
Comments: 10
Kudos: 117





	Hands

He couldn't stand it- he never should have agreed to this- like him, a  _ mistake- _

He shifted against the blanket, the mattress, himself, and his arms were wrapped around his ribcage, gripping his flesh with tight white knuckles. His skin felt tight, and his fingers were cramping, but he couldn't let go, he  _ couldn't, _ for Connie was sleeping in the motel bed a few yards away, and if he let go of his skin, his hands would surely grab the buried pocket knife in his suitcase that he wish he hadn't brought, and mark his body down with blood and mistakes once again. Connie would wake up, look over and see him with the knife, blood running down his arms- what was supposed to be a fun mini field trip exploring schools would turn into yet another breakdown of his that burdened someone else. He, he couldn't-

His fingertips ran across the skin on his arms, all over from wrists to shoulders, digging deep with sharp fingernails. Pain streaked in uneven lines up and down his arms, up his sleeves and over his shoulders. He dug deeper, glad he couldn't see the faint shallow lines in the dark, the lines without blood that he deeply wanted. He glanced at the motionless shape that was Connie's sleeping form, hidden in the dark. He wanted… wanted…

" _ Connie…." _

He dug even deeper on his arms, the pain growing greater.

"Connie…"

Her sleeping form shifted a little bit, turning over toward his own struggling state.

"..Please…"

"Steven?"

She was awake now, her head lifted up and turned toward him in a look of concern. "What's wrong?"

He whimpered, stuck in his own head, unable to convey just how messed up this was, how he was, how he couldn't get control of this of him-

The mattress moved and shifted as a dark form made its way toward him. He could only see the reflection of the faint moonlight in her eyes; everything else was dark.

"Connie…"

"Steven? Are you okay? What can I do to help?"

He wretched his fingers off his arms, away from the fresh scabs and the old scars. He lifted his hands toward her heavenly face, her calm oasis in his storm of chaos and pain. She gently took hold of his hands, still looking at him with concern. "Please… hold my hands. Keep them away from me, so I won't let you down again." She knew about his scars- it was because of her that he had much less now. He still had some scars however, and he could feel her disappointment everytime new scars appeared.

"Of course." Her tone grew more solemn as she gripped his rough hands harder. "Is it okay to touch you?"

He didn't trust himself enough to have control of his hands, much less his words, so he simply nodded, avoiding her eyes. She took his hands, his sinful, scarred hands, and wrapped them around her own shoulders as she scooted closer to him. Her own hands then made their way toward him and around his core, entrapping him in a hug. In her love.

His hands were now free, not held back by his or Connie's embrace. Despite their freedom, the hands stayed frozen just below Connie's shoulder blades, scared to move or do anything so close to his lover's precious body. He wouldn't do anything with her so close.

"It's okay, Steven. It'll be okay."

With Connie here, his hands would do nothing but caress her face and hold her in his arms, give her cuddles and blow her kisses.

With her here, everything could be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> that kiss at the end of future is my entire will to life at this point


End file.
